Kamen Rider: Episode 3 - The Monstrous Scorpion Man (怪人さそり男, Kaijin Sasori Otoko) (Original Airdate: April 17, 1971)

After foiling last week's apartment vampire thrall plot, Shocker has had it with Takeshi Hongo, that asshole that they converted like 75-80% of the way to a cyborg and then lost track of. So, they've got a Scorpion Man (duh-nuh-na-nah-na) with death scorpions, and he has orders to destroy Kamen Rider, just as soon as he finds the one old dude they let escape from the death scorpions test. Shocker maybe needs to focus on perimeter security, is what I'm saying. Anyway Takeshi is alerted to some weird dead bodies showing up by Ruriko (she's back!) and heads off to figure out what's up and protect the old man from Shocker. 

It's at this point that we realize that the police have no fucking clue what Shocker is (an officer laughs off the old man's warnings as crazy talk), which makes Takeshi's mission all the more important, but man, I'm used to Shocker being the one thing people in the KR metaverse have heard of, so that was surprising. He rescues the old man from doctors and nurses who are disguised Shocker Grunts, and holes up in a hotel until Ruriko and Takeshi's good friend we've never heard of, Hayase, show up. There's an infestation of death scorpions and Shocker Grunts, and Takeshi kills most of them, but the old man is killed and Ruriko is kidnapped, so, uh, not a great job dude. 

Hey Hayase, what's up buddy?

Anyway, Takeshi and Hayase give chase, and Hayase is also a motorcyclist, and I'm thinking, wow, are they setting up Rider #2 this early on? NOPE. Turns out Hayase IS the Scorpion Man, and he joined up with Shocker so he could finally best Takeshi at motorcycles, because we all know how good scorpions are with motorcycles. Definitely better than grasshoppers, right? Anyway Takeshi and Ruriko escape and then Kamen Rider and Scorpion Man and a bunch of Shocker Grunts fight in the desert/beach until KR kills them all and they dissolve into blood in the sand. Of course they do. See ya again never, Hayase. 

Jesus fucking Christ, what even

Okay, look I've been avoiding it so far but from the picture I just posted, you can see that Scorpion Man looks like total fucking garbage. He's got one claw hand, a face that looks nothing like a scorpion, no tail, and just, like, boots, I guess? I don't know what this costume is, but it's not a scorpion, and honestly, it's barely a man. It's worth noting that Scorpion Man's primary method of attack is the aforementioned death scorpions, which are scorpions with glowy red eyes that shoot blood from their tails that make people dissolve away into blood puddles. Y'know, like scorpions are known for, spitting things from their tails. I'm not doing this blog to rag on old TV shows, look the costumes for the last two bad guys weren't great but this shit is from 1971 in Japan, I know it's not gonna look modern. That said, I am docking this episode a point for its in-fucking-sane design choices that made me ponder if Shocker had ever seen a scorpion before creating this guy.

Kamen Rider: Episode 3 gets a 2/5.